My Sweet Husband

Allen is not one to come out and pay a person a compliment to your face. I usually hear things from others when he has something nice to say about me, he is getting better though. Since I have been in the hospital he has told me a few times how thankful he is for me and he recognizes how much I and other moms do. There is nothing like getting a praise like that from him. The first week I was here he stayed by my side most of the time and he really looked worn out, almost as bad as me. I worried that if I didn't break out of here soon he was going to have a nervous breakdown. He was able to take the first week of work off and used FMLA and my mom pretty much moved into our house. His work has been so good, the second week he was able to work 6 hour days and got the kids off to school, went to work, and was off by 2:30 to get the kids. Ellie did a little hopping from people's houses and "The Bin" as she calls it. Thank you friends for picking her up and letting her play, I think she is going to be disappointed when I get home and she can't go play everyday after school. Allen still managed to get up here as much as he could and it kills him the days he can't come up. He has been bringing his laptop up here a couple of times a week so I can update and check e-mails and face book of course. Yesterday he came up all excited with the kids because he had bought me my own mini laptop. He thought it would be good for me to have and to have at home, if I ever get to go home :) Allen has been such a trooper and I think I would be worrying nonstop if I had anyone else. One thing about having so much time alone is that you have a lot of time to think about what is really important in life and you find the ones that truly do love and care about you. You learn to rely on the Lord and put your faith and your trust in Him and you realize that all things happen for a reason, even if you don't understand everything at the moment with time all will be understood.

On a new development. At the beginning of this process the Doctors had a list of things that could be causing all my problems. We put Lupus in the back of the list to rule out everything else first, well the list is dwindling and yesterday the L word came up. Lupus very rarely attacks the colon and so given my medical "luck" I should have just said start with the lupus. It isn't 100% the lupus, but it has entered the picture. So far this morning I have had an echo done on my heart and then later I go for an angiogram to see if my bleeding could be coming from anywhere else. Until then I can't eat or drink anything, I'm starving! I am down another 5 lbs. since Wednesday though. I was outside yesterday and a man came walking by with a bag of taco bell and I almost tackled him, then thought of the consequences that would have been about 30 minutes after I devoured it. I miss real food. Yesterday I had a popsicle for breakfast, half a yogurt for lunch and the other half for dinner. I am hooked up to a drip so I don't get dehydrated though, I wish it helped me not feel so hungry. That really is my only complaint. The doctors still seem to be baffled that I feel so good and look so good considering what my insides look like. I debated putting the pictures on here, but they are pretty bad and those with weak stomachs may not be able to tolerate them. If you want to see them I will show you when I get home. So, I really feel like now that the Lupus has been introduced we are at square one again. Today is day number 20 of being here. The staff has been so good here and they all know me by name and they know the kids and Allen and my parents. The nurses started fighting over me yesterday. I am a model patient...I asked if it was because I could do pretty much everything by myself and required little help and they said no, you are much happier and upbeat then all the others here. I thought that was a nice compliment, it is hard to complain when you feel so well. I do have down days, especially after getting bad news or when I miss my home and my babies and my life in general. I try not to think about home too much because I know things are being taken care of, but I sure do miss my nice comfy bed and sleeping through the night. Another nice thing about being here is that I have kicked my soda addiction. Allen occasionally brings in a big Mt. dew and the first few times I couldn't help but druel over it, but I am alright with it now. I don't want to even try to drink any, it just makes my gut turn thinking about the aftermath of that. My test results should be in later today and I will post when I find out. Thanks again for all the prayers and gifts, I love when the nurses walk in with flowers or other goodies. I feel so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life you have all been so wonderful. Love you all.